Unathi's Guide to Hunting Humans

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Penned by Rhazak the Sharptoothed

Hello fellow space traveler. Within the contents of this article, I will explain everything you need to know about fighting and devouring tasty human flesh. This guide should also work for Tajaran as well. Frankly it should work for any sentient hunting target, including Unathi, but it is focused on humans. As a legal matter, I must warn you I will not be held liable for any injuries, fatalities, or prosecutions that may occur as a result of following or incorrectly following these directions. This book is an educational guide to understand how a good predator thinks--in the same way one might take apart a toaster to see how it works.

Intrigued? I hope so! Human meat is a rare delicacy to be served in Unathi cuisine. Some have compared it to the tender meat of a wild hork. However, like all wild game, the diet of a human will alter its flavor and texture. Thus, no two humans taste alike. If you tried human once and didn't enjoy it, perhaps you just got a bad human! Some are tough like jerky. Others almost fall apart in your mouth. Habitat, diet, and lifestyle can all change how palatable human meat might be, and this can vary even more from colony to colony. For instance, 'garbage-fed' humans living on the slums of Europa have a texture like chewing rubber boots, and they taste like it too. On the other hand, humans in the wealthiest districts of Tau Ceti are both delicate and flavorful, and are most pleasant to the tongue with a variety of tender, savory flavors like hork meat marinated in rich and expensive spices.

However one thing all these human settlements share in common is that all major human societies labelled the consumption of human meat as highly illegal--or at least extremely taboo. In this guide, I will explain how to evade authorities during your hunt.

Knowing The Environment

The first step to a successful hunt is understanding the environment in which you will be hunting. Knowing where the humans are, what their culture is like, and most importantly, where you can make your strike is the most enthralling aspect of human hunting. Unlike other wild game, humans will rarely be bothered by your presence enough to scatter at the mere sight of you. This allows you to get up close to the humans, like livestock ready to slaughter. However, do not underestimate them, as humans are clever.

Unlike livestock however, humans (and creatures like them) are a stubbornly altruistic species who will attempt to intervene should they see one of their own in danger. Even the mightiest herding beasts like the Landsquids of Malchior-7 will hardly raise a tentacle in retaliation after witnessing one of its companions being felled. Humans on the other hand will fight back, even long after their companion has been killed. Almost like Xenomorphs, they will respond with a hive mind mentality--even against creatures who vastly overpower them individually. Humans by their very nature recognize strength in numbers. Therefore, you must separate them from their herd to be most effective.

This can be done in several ways which I will explain soon. Some predators prefer ambush tactics, while others use deceit. A handful of especially crafty predators even trick their victims into willingly crawling down their throats! All of these strategies will be explained in detail within this book by several hunters I have met who have mastered these arts.


You'll notice this guide isn't done. That is because Ace got lazy half-way through writing it and will finish it later. Maybe you can add to it? --Aces (talk) 20:09, 20 August 2015 (EDT)