Clowns

The following is an excerpt from the Neo Detroit Advent Press.

Clownology 101

You may find yourself wondering why you keep seeing so many clowns walking around your place of work nowadays. Or maybe you've been wondering why your Teshari friend really hates when you bring up the subject of clowning. Or maybe you've seen in the news that the clowning industry has had a spike in jobs in the last eighty years. Well hopefully this article will help to explain.

A Degree in Clowning

For many, "Clowning" is a very serious profession, that requires half a decade of study to receive certification for. The Clown Planet Institution for Clown Studies and Bluespace Research was founded nearly a century ago, in 2231, when Henry Buford from Terra purchased the large asteroid orbiting Qerr'balak and began construction. The college was constructed on the asteroid, and the founder shortly became the first so called "Clowncellor" of the college.

When the college was built, the clowning job market had been at an all time low. The Head Clowncellor, Buford Doinkles had begun working with different megacorporations around the galaxy to ensure relatively cheap clown entertainment jobs for graduates at the college. At first only one or two companies had signed deals with Mr. Doinkles, but it would cement clowning as a viable career in the 2200's.

Skip ahead a couple decades later, the bustling institution had become a major success, and Clowncellor Hubert retired back in Sol. By the 2260's the college offered thirty different courses and graduation programs, and more than five hundred classes. At the time, the college's main focus was still on the arts, offerings courses in visual, physical, and performance arts, as well as technical jobs in effects, both digital and practical. It wasn't until later when the south pole of the asteroid was purchased from Qerr'balak by Frank Russley, who began construction on the "Qerr'Vallis Center for Mimery and the Hard of Hearing." Frank Russley, the school's "Director at Mime", had gone to serve as a direct competition to then Clowncellor, Jemphrey Smalls.

The Center for Mimery had offered a broader selection of courses, extending out of the arts to include engineering and sciences. The Clown Planet Institution responded in tow by extending their own services and classes. This extended into a period historians like to call "a decade long pissing match." After a series of constant oneupmanship, the Clown Planet Institution constructed a state of the art Bluespace research facility, which its competitor could not afford to one up. The construction of this facility marked the end of the "Pissing Match", and marked the beginning of the self proclaimed "Great Clown-Mime Prank Wars."

When You Give a Clown a Bluespace Facility

The Clown Planet Institution started their Bluespace Research Program in 2289. John Honkmichel, the head Clowncellor at the time, opened up a sleugh of classes for bluespace engineering, bringing a variety of household products to market. However, when John Honkmichel was succeeded by Bumbles Jumbles as Head Clowncellor in 2293, the focus of these courses shifted from general appliances to wormhole technology. The college's monthly update videos on the newest iteration of the "AutoHonker" stopped being posted, and the five year prank war finally came to ceasefire. The surface of the asteroid between the two schools is still painted white and yellow from pies and banana peels to this day.

The Qerr'balak Flash

Fast forward to 2298, picture you're a skrell or teshari, nestled in your homes all safe, and you hear a loud droning outside, and it flashes from night to day. This incident, was caught lighting up the skies of Qerr'balak and neighboring Qerr'Vallis installations and settlements. This flash, being recorded by tens of thousands of local residents, was accompanied by a loud droning; the whole event lasting upwards of thirty minutes. The source of this flash, was from Qerr'balak B's Clown Planet Institute.

For more than thirty years, the Clown Planet Institution has refused to comment on the Qerr'balak Flash. Even with Jumbles being succeeded by Squinch Honkley in 2227, the flash remains a mystery, and conspiracy theories run wild.